Organic Runner Mom

You are stronger than you think.

I am preparing for my second Boston Marathon.

Love Wins

Love Wins

During my first Boston Marathon. I found strength training for it. I was hungry to qualify. It took two tries (this go around) and endless hours and miles of hills and snowy runs, running in the rain, running with friends and many solo miles trying to overcome the fear of the pain that can come along with pushing yourself to your limit.

On race day it is you and the pavement. You need to leave it all on the road.

I tried once at the Vermont City Marathon and let my inner voice get the best of me. I missed qualifying by 5 minutes. 5 minutes seemed so close. I wanted my qualifier!

I tried again at the Marathon Around the Lake, at night, and alone. I went to the race by myself. I had business to take care of and the only opponent was me. I decided the qualifier would be mine. I made my race plan. I stuck to it. My mantra, “I am strong, I can do anything.”

I found my pace and just ran, and I ran hard. It hurt but I reached for every ounce of strength.

I pushed myself to a PR (3:33) and a dream. I was STRONG and I was FEARLESS.

Fast forward to The Boston Marathon 2013. I was ready and I was excited. When the race began the adrenaline kicked in and I just ran. I ran hard. I ran proud and I was invincible. The crowds lifted me with there cheering.

I ran down Boylston Street towards the finish line.

Exhaustion. Elation. Endorphins. Adrenaline. Tears. High fives. Amazing. 3:34. Finisher.

About 10 minutes later everything would change.

Fear. Loneliness. Confusion. Deep Sadness. Hopelessness. I crumbled.

We each had an individual experience that day. I will never forget seeing the smoke. Seeing the fear in all of the people. Wondering where to go. Would we be safe. Grief. The pain of sadness for others. Why was there so much hurt?

I have been rebuilding myself since then. I am working hard to remember my strong. Every day.

I am finding it again. You will find it too. Together we will be strength.

Be strong and experience your emotions and let them guide you.

You are stronger than you think you are.

Thank you for joining me on this journey.


15 responses

15 responses

  1. I’m reading this as I sit in an ice bath! I love seeing your workouts and progress and I’m excited to see your journey back to Boston! I’m rooting for you! As I am sure everyone else is too! Stay Strong! Keep Pushing! YOU ARE GREAT!!!

    1. Thank you for reading this Ty and for cheering me on. The journey back to Boston is filled with many highs and lows as I am sure it is for many people. Race day will be emotionally charged and I am not quite sure what to anticipate but I am happy to know I have people like you cheering me on!

      The ice bath sounds painful but healing. Are you dealing with an injury right now? I hope not! Take care and happy running!

    1. Thank you Marty, It has been difficult to share about Boston Marathon Day but when I do the memories that flow are powerful and it provides some healing too. Thank you for reading my blog and happy running!

    1. Thanks Michele! It is helping me so much to wirte about everything and I hope that I can help others too! Thank you for joining me on my journey!

  2. I read it (like you asked on Facebook). I wish I could give you a hug right now. I am in admiration of how you got to Boston 2013 and feeling a lot of runner (and human) solidarity about your current emotional state. It’s a pleasure to be on this journey with you.
    Paula Kiger recently posted…30 Days of Camp Gordon Johnston (#30daysofCGJ)My Profile

    1. Thank you Paula and a hug would be great. We all need to support each other especially when we hit such tough emotional roadblocks. I am working through this crazy emotional stuff on a daily basis but discovering a new me coming out of what happened has been enlightening. I am thankful to have you with me on this journey encouraging me. Thank you.

  3. You went through a lot that day. Your post gave me chills reading it. I have no doubt you will find your strong and run with all your heart and soul for those 26.2 miles.
    Angela @ Happy Fit Mama recently posted…High Five FridayMy Profile

    1. Thanks Angela. It is hard to write about but I am feeling more at ease with my emotions from that day. Working with a therapist has helped to provide some clarity and to better understand my emotions. Race weekend at Boston will be amazing and difficult to be sure. Thank you for cheering me on!

    1. Thanks for checking in Coco. Sometimes the emotions flow and it is so easy to write it all down. Thank you for following my journey. I hope that your husband was not impacted too greatly but what transpired at the naval yard. I hope that your running is right where you want it to be!

  4. Very well done. You made me cry. And I will find my strength again and join you out there one of these years. I am not in a panic or a rush to get out of this rut, because I know myself well enough to know that I will get out of it. Everything has its season. Right now I am composting. 🙂 You have been an incredible inspiration and I am so glad we had the opportunity to meet in person. Can’t wait to move back into Bend. Things will just fall back into place. I feel it. Keep up the great work and know that you have a huge cheerleading squad and I am the captain. 🙂

    1. Thank you Katy. Sometimes inspiration strikes after a good run and then the emotions all easily flow out. Don’t rush yourself. Just try to set small goals for yourself that make you feel good and then the big goals will start to happen. Thank you for joining me on my journey. I am feeling so much better than I did earlier this year. It is nice to be finding the old me 🙂
      Please let me know if you ever need any guidance with your goals 🙂 Things will begin to fall back into place for you, you just have to get back to that place where you are able to see all of the positives around you. You are on a journey too and you will find your way!

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