Since my divorce last August I have been having to learn how to be alone more. While I still spend oodles of time with my kids I am also having a lot more alone time. I am also having to do the whole parenting gig on my own which is different. There is no sounding board, just me, myself, and I trusting my instincts to do what is best for my kids. I am not an alone person. My Myers-Briggs Personality is an ESFJ. This personality type is known for being social in nature. We like to be around people and to get to know all about other people. We are extroverted by nature so hanging out alone a lot does not fill me up in fact it can be depleting in a way.
It’s funny because I was really alone a lot before when I was married due to life circumstances but somehow this alone feels different. I am truly having to learn how to rely on myself fully and my strengths. This is also highlighting my weaknesses too, areas that I need to work on to become stronger.
“Loneliness adds beauty to life. It puts a special burn on sunsets and makes night air smell better” -Henry Rollins
I have never really spent much time without someone else in my life so this all feels so new and different to me. I am the second child so always had an older sister to rely on. I got married when I was 24 after having been a rowing coach for two years so companionship was always close and I did not feel alone like I do now.
Being alone can feel scary at times if you allow it to feel scary. It can be debilitating if you allow it to feel that way. But, it’s not really once you begin to see the strengths that you possess. I have days where being alone feels like a heavy weight while other days it feels empowering and emboldening. I am working hard to embrace this new aloneness. I am learning a lot about myself. I am learning to believe in myself more. I am learning that I can handle things more than I thought I could on my own. Sometimes its just the little challenges that can seem hard when you are alone but then when you overcome them it fills you with feelings of new found strength.