We are okay. Thankfully my husband and I walked away from a car accident uninjured today. Thankfully the kids were not in the car.
My nerves are very rattled (That is a total understatement!). I had a panic attack. The EMT had to give me oxygen. Strangely he was a marathoner too. Knowing this calmed me down and gave me something to focus on. My anxiety is already through the roof as I anticipate running the Boston Marathon on Monday. I have been jumpy for weeks, on edge. My counselor says that this is normal. I am already on high alert. I am mentally preparing myself to run the same road again through the yellow and blue finish line on Boylston Street. Last year my reality was rocked to the core ten minutes after I crossed the line as I tried to comprehend the awful sounds that I heard and the smoke rising from the explosions near the finish line.
Today we were okay. The sounds of the accident frightened me and brought me back to Boston. The sound of the truck hitting the back of our car was reminiscent of the explosions last year. I have been unable to erase those horrible sounds. Sometimes they replay in my head. It all seems so real. With 4 days to go I am uncertain of what marathon day will bring but I am still in need of running the race. I need to run it again to close the loop of healing. I need to feel the strength of running and being surrounded by the runners and spectators.
Am I afraid. Hell yes. But I will lace up my shoes and I will run. I will just run. I am okay.
The car accident today has been a huge reminder of how much love and strength, support, kindness and good is surrounding me. I am here. I have my family and my friends. I am alive. I can run.
We are okay.
I am thankful.