Sometimes climbing out of this hole of depression and PTSD can be so tough. I have some days where I feel so energized and ready to go and others where I feel like I am falling to pieces and finding motivation to get up and get going is tough. But I am proud of myself because I am working very hard to try to dig myself out (although you know, sometimes the “mud” can be thick!–especially here in New Hampshire). I am working hard to take one day at a time and to give myself a break when I am having a tough day. I have a tendency to overload myself (perhaps as a coping mechanism? or as avoidance) which can leave me spinning in circles. I am working hard to focus on all of the positives in my life of which there are too many to count.
Have you ever been in this place? It can feel lonely sometimes.
I have started counseling which is wonderful (I love my therapist) but also hard because by talking about everything that has been weighing me down it has unleashed a gushing river of emotions that at times seem uncontrollable. I am trying to make sense of everything and to focus on my goals (I have many) and to try to get myself back to a place of feeling happy where laughter flows often and life feels relaxed. I am tired of feeling so anxious and exhausted all the time.
I know that it will take time and that I shouldn’t be too hard on myself (tough for a perfectionist).
Sometimes I feel like I am a master of disguise. I am very good at hiding what is truly going on but I don’t want to be a superhero. I just want to be myself and to let you in. We all need support and we all have our tough moments where we need others to lean on. It’s ok to ask for help and to cry for awhile.
Everything is getting better.
“Climb the mountains and get their good tidings. Nature’s peace will flow into you as sunshine flows into trees. The winds will blow their own freshness into you, and the storms their energy, while cares will drop off like autumn leaves.” –John Muir