Boston Marathon Emotional Healing
4 weeks to go until the Boston Marathon.
Boston Marathon #ChooseLOVE #BOSTONSTRONG
I am not running this year and although I am sad to have not qualified again at the race last year I am grateful for the two experiences that I had running it in 2013 and 2014. These past two years since April 15th, 2013 have been filled with turmoil and tremendous personal growth. I been forced to contemplate my true-self and my priorities on a much deeper level than before.
In the wake of the Boston Marathon tragedy that happened on that bright blue sky Monday I was confronted with shattered illusions of safety and peace. We walk in a world where we are surrounded by constant dangers that we are somehow able to cope with and work around. When the bomb blasts shook Boylston Street I along with so many others was left feeling terrified and weak. I felt as though my personal sense of safety had been stolen from me and I was left with a huge sense of grief, fear and worry.
2 years ago I was in my final weeks of Boston Marathon training ready to taper and focus my energy on running a strong race.
Organic Runner Mom at the Start of the 2013 Boston Marathon.
2 years ago I was physically strong but had not been awakened to some of the realities of life. And then race day came. I have been rebuilding my spirit since the bombs went off that day. I had to confront my emotions head on and to make peace with the unexpected and things that are out of my control. After the marathon I grappled with deep insecurity and struggled with the need to control everything. I lived in a constant state of worry that something bad was about to happen at all times. I wanted to protect my family. I wanted to shelter myself. I felt the need to close off some of my emotions to protect myself and others from hurt and tragedy
1 year ago I stepped on the starting line of the Boston Marathon.
Last year after a year of therapy battling PTSD. I confronted my fear and stepped on the starting line of the Boston Marathon. I ran the race with great trepidation. I was ready to run but couldn’t allow myself to race. I cried during the race. I ran fast because I just wanted to be done. I stopped and wanted to quit because I was afraid and the feelings of grief for Martin Richard and everyone else who was hurt. It was almost too much too handle. I ran and felt heavy. Sick with emotions. I ran and I finished, Reaching the finish line only to collapse from dehydration but more perhaps from pure emotion.
I am not running the Boston Marathon this year.
I did not re-qualify to run again. With a time of 3:45 I missed the qualifying time for my age group. And I was ok. For me, it was most important to run again. I needed to free myself of some of the fears and let the emotions flow. I am still in a process of healing. I am still easily startled and sometimes have to shake the feelings of overwhelming worry that something bad is about to happen. It is important to verbalize it when something feels overwhelming and maybe even a bit scary. Sometimes the emotions from that day are triggered and I am not sure why but I just have to ride it out. Emotional healing will continue for a long time and part of the process is sharing about it.
Boston Marathon 2015
Organic Runner Mom at the Start of the 2013 Boston Marathon.
Even though I will not be running this year if you are running the Boston Marathon this year I will be cheering loudly for you. Your spirit and participation will help to bring back strength to all those who need it. We will all continue to be Boston Strong together and to Lift each other up!
Every year that passes since Boston 2013 is a good reminder that it is time to get out and live. To live out loud and to live a life full of love laughter and adventure.
“The highest and most beautiful things in life are not to be heard about, nor read about, nor seen but, if one will, are to be lived.”
–Soren Kierkegaard
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26 responses
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I just sat down to write about this very thing We are so connected. I have a few paragraphs, but you said it so perfect. I try not to think about that day very often, but reading this opened the door on that wound. I have held it all in for long, and you described what I am feeling so perfect. It feels bittersweet to sob over it. I too, felt the need to control many things and then had a minor break down, because we really can’t control very much of anything. Sending all of my love today and everyday.
I can’t imagine the feeling you have about it. But ever runner who has run or will be running that race is so beautiful and strong! Every runner is. We are a community of wonderful people! XOXOXOXOXOXO
Wow that was very powerful to read. I truly can’t even imagine the emotions you have went through over the past 2 years.
Jen @ Pretty Little Grub recently posted…Catelli Healthy Harvest Ancient Grains Pasta & A Giveaway
Last year was certainly a day of strength and celebration! Thank you for being so honest with your emotions through this whole process for you! Even though you won’t be there running, your heart will always be out on that course!!
Beautiful post Sandra. I am sure this has been quite the journey for you and it sounds to me like you are in a good place. I am glad!
misszippy1 recently posted…Mondays on the run
Thank you for this post. I can’t imagine what you are feeling, but I am happy to hear that you are still running and getting mentally stronger day by day. This isn’t something you’ll ever forget, nor should you, but it is something that can strengthen you and push you toward new goals.
Nicole @ Fitful Focus recently posted…MyProtein Review
I can’t imagine how you’re feeling, but it’s awesome that you were able to qualify for/run it for two years, and those experiences really help to build and strengthen character! I’m glad you’re still running too!
Farrah recently posted…Review: Lighten Up, Y’all & Crockpot 3-Bean Turkey Chili
I’ve never run Boston (nor will I ever, if I’m being honest!) but I don’t think a single year will go by without me thinking of the bombing. Such a senseless tragedy that still leaves me shaking my head. Glad to hear that you are working through all of those tough emotions.
It is hard when these emotional anniversaries come up every year and bring back the sadness and fear with such intensity. I wish you good things as you continue to heal.
Elle recently posted…High Protein Waffles
I love your transparency. I’ve never run Boston, but I am a big supporter of those who do or desire to. Take it one day at a time. I wish you all the best!
Artney @ My Pretty Brown Blog recently posted…Baked Parsnip Chips
I cannot imagine what you went through and all of the emotions and feelings that you had to sort through to make it back to the starting line the following year. You are such an inspiration and so strong, I have looked up to you since I started running and following you on Instagram and now as a fellow blogger. I am sure all of those who you know and are running Boston this year feel the same way and will be hearing your cheers loud and clear!!!
Annmarie recently posted…Avocadough: Guilt Free Tasty Treats {+ Giveaway}
Honestly, I think it’s amazing that you were able to go back last year and do Boston a year later. I totally agree that you are both amazing and strong!
AJ @ NutriFitMama recently posted…How to Avoid Overeating With MealEnders + Giveaway
Oh Sandra, I’m in tears right now. I am so sorry that you have had to deal with this. I had family at the race that day so it hits very close to home although I can’t even imagine how this has been for you. You are such an amazing inspiration. Thank you for being strong for the city of Boston. I miss Boston terribly and it will always be home to me! Anniversaries like this always open old wounds, but you ARE strong.
What an incredible story, thank you so much for sharing it! I can only imagine how you’ll feel not just this year but on the anniversary every year. I have chills just from reading your post.
Kathryn @ Dancing to Running recently posted…Comment on Shamrock Half Marathon Training Log – Week 18 by fitmomintraining
I can’t imagine how you must feel having experienced this. Whenever I think about it, I realize how easily it could have been me and even that can be hard.you are a song woman & a strong runner!!!
Heather @ FITaspire recently posted…Legs & Arms Workout
What an inspiring story! Loved it!
I can’t imagine how hard that experience must have been for you, I pray as time passes you find more and more peace and continue to get out there and LIVE!
Kate @KateMovingForward recently posted…Coconut Lime Oatmeal Cookies
I can’t imagine what you went through or what you’re even still battling, but I commend your strength for getting back out there last year and running it again. What a victory.
Viane recently posted…Whole Foods Beauty Haul & Collagen Benefits
Thank you for sharing a side of Boston that is rarely seen. The mental battle is the toughest part and you’re perspective is inspiring.
Thank you for sharing! I can only imagine your connection to that day considering I only know mine and I was not there.
Toni @runninglovingliving recently posted…Love With Food Snack Box Review
I can’t even imagine being there on that day.. I remember hearing about it on the radio and I was just in shock. I went last year to watch the race with my mom and the amount of pride was just amazing. It brought tears to both of our eyes, standing there at the finish line and hearing people clapping and cheering for the BPD, and chanting USA!USA! Thanks for sharing your story.
Patty @ Reach Your Peak recently posted…Quick Hamstring and Glute Workout
Such a powerful story– I cannot even imagine what is was like to be there in person. Thanks so much for sharing!
Thank you for sharing your story, your experience and your heart! I am amazed at your strength and perseverance through it all! 🙂
Rachel recently posted…Balancing Motherhood and Running
On the blog, for my monthly running book club, we’re reading 4:09:43 by Hal Higdon. I’d love to have you weigh in, or at least link up this blog post to my link up, which will go live on 4/13. Would you be interested? This is a great post, and I think it would be so meaningful for all of us.
Wendy@Taking the Long Way Home recently posted…Dreaming, running, and fish
Beautifully written and so moving.
I remember that day so well and thinking “Why the running community?! The nicest, most gracious group of people you’ll ever meet. This is not fair!”
My heart breaks for what you went through…
Thank you for sharing.
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