This post did not start out about the Boston Marathon but this is what came out when I started to write . . .
I have to admit I am still trying to find forward motion and balance in my life again since the Boston Marathon last April. Do you ever feel as though time moving rapidly forward around you while you feel as though you are completely stuck? I have been trying to work on moving past the events of the Boston Marathon since I crossed the finish line but somehow I can’t move ahead. I feel like I am going through the motions of life everyday and but can’t seem to stop hitting the replay button. I am an emotional wreck. I move through every day trying to be happy and to enjoy, but there is something completely off kilter. I just don’t feel right. I am tired. I am sad. I feel alone. I feel angry. I feel helpless. I feel sick.
I have been trying to heal myself. I write. I run. I paddle. I hike. I meditate. I play with my kids. I do everything I love with my family and friends.
I am at a loss for how to let go. I want to move forward.
I spend my time running trying to rebuild myself. I need to find someone else who was there. Who understands. I want to understand how I can recover and rebuild myself into a stronger me and I need to be able to process what happened with some help.
I am moving in the right direction. On Friday I am going to see someone for Trauma Focused Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. A big step that will hopefully help me to find release.
Were you there? Are you still where I am?