Organic Runner Mom

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Trying to rebuild after the Boston Marathon.

This post did not start out about the Boston Marathon but this is what came out when I started to write . . .

#BostonStrong

#BostonStrong

I have to admit I am still trying to find forward motion and balance in my life again since the Boston Marathon last April. Do you ever feel as though time moving rapidly forward around you while you feel as though you are completely stuck?  I have been trying to work on moving past the events of the Boston Marathon since I crossed the finish line but somehow I can’t move ahead. I feel like I am going through the motions of life everyday and but can’t seem to stop hitting the replay button. I am an emotional wreck. I move through every day trying to be happy and to enjoy, but there is something completely off kilter. I just don’t feel right. I am tired. I am sad. I feel alone. I feel angry. I feel helpless. I feel sick.

I have been trying to heal myself. I write. I run. I paddle. I hike. I meditate. I play with my kids. I do everything I love with my family and friends.

I am at a loss for how to let go. I want to move forward.

I jut need some time ina beautiful place to clear my head-origin unknown

origin unknown

I spend my time running trying to rebuild myself. I need to find someone else who was there. Who understands. I want to understand how I can recover and rebuild myself into a stronger me and I need to be able to process what happened with some help.

I am moving in the right direction. On Friday I am going to see someone for Trauma Focused Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. A big step that will hopefully help me to find release.

BOSTON MARATHON Finish

BOSTON MARATHON Finish (This does not reflect my finish time but shows the time that I crossed the finish line). Too close.

Were you there? Are you still where I am?

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8 responses

8 responses

  1. I had started to feel better, but many of the emotions resurfaced this week with the registration opening for those that didn’t get to finish (I made it to mile 25). In fact I was just talking about it with my friend who had a great race and was at the finish with her family when everything happened. I am glad that you are going to see someone. I know that we as a running group just did a lot of talking and a lot of processing. I will be thinking of you.

  2. ***hugs*** I am glad to hear that you are going to talk to someone about it. I finished about 40 minutes before it all happened and it is still something that I think about daily. Especially since if it happened the year before, I would have been crossing the finish line when it happened. I think it will take time to heal from it… you’ll do it in your own way so do not feel bad that you aren’t there yet. We all deal with it in different ways.
    Lora @ Crazy Running Girl recently posted…Stop being so mean to yourselfMy Profile

  3. I’m sure there are so many people out there who are still feeling this way. It’s interesting how something can make such a huge impact, but after it seems to have run it’s course in the media, society will push it aside almost as if it never happened. April was not that long ago, and it is still very real. I hope seeing the therapist will help you to heal and move forward!
    Ari @ Ari’s Menu recently posted…Pesto Pizza {with roasted red pepper, tomato and roasted corn}My Profile

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