Grief can be complicated.
This week has been tough. I am still working through grief of my Grandmother passing away. I was very thankful to be able to spend time with my family in the days leading up to the day we said goodbye. Sharing stories and seeing all of the wonderful pictures of Gran brought back so many memories. Losing a loved one is hard to process as an adult and even harder for children who are not always certain how to handle the different emotions and uncertainty of death. My kids have been doing ok although their grief has been coming out in different ways and needs to be handled delicately. One child becomes easily tearful while the other has bottled up the emotions but has been having a hard time getting to sleep and is reacting with added separation anxiety. These are the times when you wish that there was an instruction manual for how give your children the best advice and the tools to work through their emotions.
I have become stuck in a place of reflection. I am looking back rather than looking forward. I have begun to feel stuck again with my emotions as I did after the Boston Marathon in 2013. Some days feel dark and energy is low. I have learned to push through before and am trying to find balance again and a regular rhythm to my days. For me when these types of feelings take over I have found that it is important for me to exercise (no matter what form). Endorphins and a good sweat allow me to release my emotions and to clear my head. Getting enough Vitamin D is also key as vitamin D is a natural mood lifter (one that is hard to come by in the gray New Hampshire winter). Thankfully the combination of exercise and vitamin D can be achieved by going out for a run. It is also good to allow yourself the chance to cry. Being open to my emotions and allowing myself to feel allows me to release the feelings that are welling up like the tears in my eyes that flow at times like rivers. And also recognizing that we must live for each day and live with a purpose also carries me through.
Once we got home to New Hampshire I new that I needed to get back into my Boston Marathon training groove. After putting the kids to bed the first night back home I hit the treadmill for some cleansing miles and immediately began to feel some release. Over the following days, I ran and I sweated, I skiied with my kids and I ran 12 cleansing, challenging miles with one of my best running friends. The healing has begun although the memories and the love will never leave.
Here is a peek at my Boston Marathon Training this week from my coach Denise from The Sustainable Athlete:
How do you handle grief? What was something joyful that lifted you up this past week? What goals will you conquer this week?