Organic Runner Mom

Run Green. Eat Clean. Laugh Strong.

An open look at my depression and PTSD (this is hard to write).

Climbing out.

Sometimes climbing out of this hole of depression and PTSD can be so tough. I have some days where I feel so energized and ready to go and others where I feel like I am falling to pieces and finding motivation to get up and get going is tough. But I am proud of myself because I am working very hard to try to dig myself out (although you know, sometimes the “mud” can be thick!–especially here in New Hampshire).  I am working hard to take one day at a time and to give myself a break when I am having a tough day. I have a tendency to overload myself (perhaps as a coping mechanism? or as avoidance) which can leave me spinning in circles. I am working hard to focus on all of the positives in my life of which there are too many to count.

Have you ever been in this place? It can feel lonely sometimes.

I have started counseling which is wonderful (I love my therapist) but also hard because by talking about everything that has been weighing me down it has unleashed a gushing river of emotions that at times seem uncontrollable. I am trying to make sense of everything and to focus on my goals (I have many) and to try to get myself back to a place of feeling happy where laughter flows often and life feels relaxed.  I am tired of feeling so anxious and exhausted all the time.

I know that it will take time and that I shouldn’t be too hard on myself (tough for a perfectionist).

Sometimes I feel like I am a master of disguise. I am very good at hiding what is truly going on but I don’t want to be a superhero. I just want to be myself and to let you in. We all need support and we all have our tough moments where we need others to lean on. It’s ok to ask for help and to cry for awhile.

Everything is getting better.

Adventures are good for the soul.

Adventures are good for the soul.

“Climb the mountains and get their good tidings. Nature’s peace will flow into you as sunshine flows into trees. The winds will blow their own freshness into you, and the storms their energy, while cares will drop off like autumn leaves.” –John Muir

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9 responses

9 responses

  1. I am so sorry you are going through this. As someone who writes a lot and also interacts with many who have PTSD, sometimes I feel there are no words. It is an extremely complex disorder, but it sounds like you are getting the help you need. I know I’m not exactly close, but if you ever need someone to talk to… I am here, please know that. One moment at a time. xo
    Lisa @ RunWiki recently posted…10 simple tips for running your first half marathonMy Profile

  2. Climbing out is hard and lonely it does take time. Please don’t be too hard on yourself. It’s absolutely ok to ask for help and it sounds like you are getting the help you need and have connected with a good counselor. Sending lots of love and light.
    Christine @ Love, Life, Surf recently posted…Learning to Disconnect and ListenMy Profile

  3. hey, sistah….yes, it can be lonely. and for me, sometimes it is better that way. not all the time, but i have learned, eventually, to kinda embrace those ‘alone’ times…
    i’ve been battling these similar issues for several years. I’m glad that you’ve found help that you trust and enjoy (if that’s the right word…).
    try to relax into it and trust the process…it took me far too long to learn that part.
    be well….
    g
    gene @bigzigfitness recently posted…The right choice?My Profile

    1. Thank you for your kind words Gene. As you know its an up and down kind of thing but thatnkfully things are seeming a lot brighter lately. I hope you are well and that you have a wonderful holiday season!

    1. Hi Kristen, Sorry its taken so long to get back to you. I appreciate your kind words and it is nice to know that I am not alone. Things are looking up! Here’s to a cherry holiday!

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